Worthless to this World
by BlissForLife
Summary: Percy Jackson is invisible to the world. Nobody cares about him and everyday he tells himself he's worthless. He finds comfort in the blades he finds.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: This is an AU story and Percy is NOT a demigod. Some character will be OOC (Annabeth, Percy for example). This is my first story so some reviews would be nice! **

**Chapter 1: Cutting Away the Pain**

* * *

Everyone has a breaking point. Some people, they don't snap as bad as others and can move on. But others, the pain grinds it's way into their blood and into their bones. Into their heart. And when that pain reaches their heart, they pick up one thing to let out the pulsing hurt. They bring up the object and slash it across their wrists or across their legs. Sometimes their chests or shoulders. Maybe their stomach. And in extreme measure, they bring that weapon across their throat to end the pain completely.

That's where Percy Jackson was that night; stuck at that horrible stage of quick argument whether or not to do it.

Whether or not to end his own life.

The blade of the pencil sharper was pressed against his throat and the slightest pin prick of blood had burst from under it. His hands trembled and tears were hot and thick in his eyes. Percy had never gotten so close to wanting to kill himself before. And now, here he was, sitting on the floor in his bedroom holding a blade to his neck.

He had to do it. He had to. The thundering pain that was fighting inside of him was unbearable.

Percy glanced at the clock and read 2:03 a.m. The apartment was silent; Paul and Sally asleep in their bedroom. Percy thought about the tiny baby girl that was sleeping peacefully in her bedroom. If he died tonight, what would his parents tell her when she was old enough to understand? Maybe nothing, maybe they would never mention that she had ever had an older brother.

That's what they would do. If Percy slit his throat right here, his family would forget about him after a week. It would be as if he had never existed. And the people at school, they would forget him after a day. There probably wouldn't even be a funeral. That how worthless Percy was. How unloved and how ignored. How hated and how stupid. How _worthless_.

_Worthless, worthless, worthless. _

The words pounded in Percy's head and he gripped the blade tighter. Tears streamed down his face and he couldn't do it. He threw the blade to the ground angrily and tried to hide a sob. He still has blood trailing his arms from the cuts he had made earlier that night. It was ridiculous; Percy Jackson couldn't end his own life.

"Even God doesn't want you," he whispered to himself, wiping away some tears. Down the hall he heard the bathroom fan turn on and he knew that someone - most likely Paul - was up and had to go to the washroom. Percy picked up the blade again and brought his against his wrist, pushing it in and pulling it across. Relief flooded through his veins as the blood burst to the surface, looking for oxygen. He did that again five more times on his left wrist before moving to his right wrist. Words grinded into his head which then made his hand press the blade down harder with each nasty stroke.

The toilet flushed and Percy dropped the pencil sharpener blade. His vision was blurring from either tears or blood loss. Probably both. He heard the sink turn off and the door unlock.

"Paul!" Percy's voice was thin and sharp through the silent night. He squeezed his eyes closed and more tears leaked out. When he opened then again, the tiny droplets clung to his dark lashes. "Paul! Paul! Please help me." The last part came out no more than a whimper. The door opened and Paul squinted in the darkness.

"Paul, I cut too deep, too much," Percy whispered. He cried harder, his cheeks burning from the heat and saltiness of the tears. Paul slowly walked into the room and bent down next to Percy, groping in the dark for him. Percy grasped his hand tightly and tried to ignore the spinning in his head.

Paul found the lamp by Percy's bed and turned it on. The warm glow illuminated the blood, making it look worse than it was. His step-dad pursed his lips and went to grab the emergency kit from the closet. When he came back he wiped away the blood with a wet towel and then took the bandages and placed them the length of Percy's forearms.

"Why did you do it again, Percy?" Paul asked. He helped Percy onto his bed so he could wiped down the floor. Percy started crying again but didn't tell Paul what was running through his mind. He watched him pick up the discarded blade and throw it in the garbage. Percy didn't speak at all and sat staring at his door long after Paul had left.

It was almost 6:30 in the morning when Percy snapped and fell asleep.

* * *

The next morning, Percy slipped on a sweater large enough to hide the bandages and went to school. He kept his hood up as he walked down the sidewalk and didn't lift his gaze from the concrete. A school bus full of kids from Percy's school rumbled past and he ignored the words tossed out the window at him.

"If only they knew what their words were doing to me," Percy grumbled. The rest of the walk went on without any problems and when he got to school he went straight to his locker. People jostled past him and shoved him, but like every other day, he blocked it out. Even if it still affected him, it wouldn't be nearly as bad if he at least tried to not care.

"Hey, Jackson!" Tylan's deep voice shouted down the hall. Percy put his forehead on his locker door and didn't say or do anything back. He just waited.

Then it came.

Tylan grabbed Percy's hood along with a fistful of hair and yanked it back. He shoved Percy to the floor, laughing. "What a loser," he said to his friends. Then he walked away.

Percy pushed himself off the floor and stood up, rubbing the spot where Tylan has jerked at his hair. He glared down the hall after the bully then grabbed his books and slammed his locker shut. First class for him was math with Mrs. Griffith, his least favourite teacher. She was probably around fifty years old with wiry grey hair that did its own thing and sunken dull eyes. She was always pursing her lips disapprovingly and never, ever smiled.

Percy slid down the halls-unnoticed and uncared for. He was completely invisible. Nobody noticed him. It was as if he didn't exist.

_Worthless, worthless, worthless. _

Percy entered the class and sat down at the back. People were still filtering in and taking their seats, chatting and talking. Mrs. Griffith clapped her hands to get the classes attention and snapped, "Get out your textbooks and turn to page fifty-two! Tylan! Put that phone away!"

Tylan grumbled something and shoved his phone away then flipped to the page in the textbook and began drawing a certain male part. Percy snorted and looked down at his text. Mrs. Griffith began explaining something about fractions and Percy just zoned it out.

Across the room a girl named Annabeth twirled her hair and leaned over to her friend and the two giggled. They were no nicer to Percy than anyone else. Actually, Percy hated them more than anyone.

Annabeth had once been close to Percy. They were friends for about two years. Then everyone began to hate Percy and Annabeth didn't want to be different. So she turned her back on him as well. She had been worse to him than anyone. She was the reason he first cut.

A small ball of paper bounced onto Percy's desk and he looked at it, then up to see the sender. But everyone was turned away. He picked it up and unfolded it. It was a drawing of Mrs. Griffith; only she was extra fat, extra ugly and had the words, 'Fat hag!' written on it.

Naturally, Mrs. Griffith saw Percy holding the paper and stopped midsentence. "Percy Jackson? What is that?" Everyone turned to stare at him. "Would you like to read it to the class?"

"Um, uh, it isn't really something to be read," Percy said. "It's more of a drawing." His voice faltered. Mrs. Griffith didn't even have to say anything before Percy knew to take it up.

Mrs. Griffith looked at it and her face turned beet red. "And why did you think it was appropriate to draw this?" Percy suddenly saw what was happening. To defend himself, he would have to make fun of himself.

"I can't draw that good, Mrs. Griffith. And-and I probably don't even know how to spell hag," Percy muttered. The entire class smirked. Mrs. Griffith glared at him and tore off a pink slip assigning him the spot of detention after school. Percy took it and quickly went back to his seat. People snickered behind his back and he felt an angering depression bubble inside of him.

* * *

At the end of the day Percy made his way to Mrs. Griffith's classroom. His hood was up and he kept his head down to hide his tears. His last class had been gym and once again he had been given heck for refusing to take off his sweater. Bullying was at its worst in gym.

He entered his math class and slumped into his desk, wiping his eyes. Mrs. Griffith looked up at him and didn't say anything. Percy couldn't tell what she was thinking. Whether she felt sympathetic or angry at Percy. He placed his head down on his desk and silently cried.

Percy waited for the teacher to stand up and say something.

She never did.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: At It's Worst**

"Percy, dear? Is that you?" Sally called from the kitchen when she heard her son enter the door. Percy called back that it was him and he went into the kitchen. Sally was feeding his baby sister-Silena-and stopped when she saw Percy. "Oh honey, what happened today?" She moved forward and pushed Percy's hood off his head.

Percy looked down. Silena started crying and he muttered, "You better finish feeding her." Mom didn't argue and turned back to continue feeding the baby. Percy took off his sweater then peeled the bandages off. He stared at the scars that ran the length of his arm. He glared at them and jammed his arms into his sweater again. The day suddenly came crashing down on him and Percy burst into tears.

_Worthless, worthless, worthless._

_"_Percy," mom said in a sympathetic voice. She finished feeding the baby then gave her a baby rattle to play with. "Honey, please tell me what happened today. Maybe I can help." Percy put his head down and said, "Y-you can't he-help. You never c-can." Sally's eyes shone with tears of her own. She opened her arms for the only sort of comfort she could give and Percy took it. He leaned into his mom and cried on her shoulder.

Paul entered and looked at the two but didn't say anything. Then he picked up Silena and left, leaving the two alone. Percy squeezed his eyes shut and tried to forget the multiple times he had been bullied that day. He couldn't tell what was better; being noticed and bullied or being ignored and not bullied.

"Mom," Percy whimpered. "I was going to kill myself last night. I didn't and instead just cut. But I really want to die." More tears ran down his face. "I just want to die. I hate myself and I hate my life. People completely ignore me except for when they're bullying me. The teachers hate me. I'm invisible. No one would notice or care if I died. Even you're too absorbed to listen to me. It's all about Silena."

Sally began to cry. "It isn't all about Silena. We love you just as much as her. We would notice and be heartbroken if you died, Percy. Just forget about the people at school. Me and Paul, we can be your friends." She kissed the top of Percy's head. "I love you so much, Percy. I hate seeing you like this. It breaks my heart. I love you, never forget that."

Percy hugged his mom tighter. He felt a tiny push inside of him as he thought about having his mom and Paul as his best friends. He could live with that. As much as he wanted to cut, he didn't move from his mothers arms. "I don't want to go to school tomorrow, mom. I hate it. I want to be homeschooled."

"You have to go, hon," Sally said. She let go of Percy and wiped away some of his tears. "Now go get washed up, we're having supper soon." She stood up and held the sides of Percy's face. "You're amazing, Percy. People don't know what they're missing out on."

Percy gave a small shrug and pulled away, going down the hall to the bathroom. He stopped in front of the mirror and felt his jaw clench. He literally flinched at the hatred he felt for himself. "Why are you so hideous?" Percy whispered. He dug his fingernails into his cheeks and dragged down. Red lines sprouted up and his breathing quicked as frustration found it's way to his surface. He scratched down his face again and again. His nails weren't strong enough to tear the skin, but he savoured the stinging pain.

When he stopped his cheeks were marred with bright red lines. Percy washed his hands quickly then headed out to the kitchen. When Sally saw her son's face she gasped. "Percy!" she cried. "Oh baby . . . Why do you do this to yourself? Is this because you don't think you're good enough?"

Percy placed a hand on his flaming cheek. "I don't know. If people say I'm ugly, than I'm ugly. I want to change it. Or at least make it go away." He placed his head on the table. "Nobody like me should be allowed to live." He dragged his head up and watched his mom put a plate of food in front of him.

Paul came in with Silena and put her in her highchair. He frowned and studied Percy's face. "Is everything okay, kiddo?" Percy gave his head a shake and played around with his food. Sally didn't say anything about it and just waited to see what he'd eat.

Supper went on in silence and when it finished Percy stood up and disappeared into his room. And he grabbed a razor. Then he slashed at his wrist and the blood burst free. Suddenly he felt like he was in the sky, watching himself do this. He was on a high. Nobody could bring him down. Percy cut his forearm horizontally and the blade tore open old scars, creating a new sort of pain.

Percy brought the razor to his face and pulled it diagonally down, creating three long, clean cuts on his left cheek. Blood poured from the wounds and Percy gasped. He'd gone too far this time. He couldn't hide this from his mom. Most days he cut he could clean himself up and his mom would never know. But this time he couldn't.

"Mom!"

Moving his mouth pulled and stretched the cuts on his cheek and Percy winced. He pounded on the wall to get his mothers attention that way. She came running down the hall and burst into the room. She immediately grabbed Percy and directed him to the bathroom.

After cleaning him up Sally hugged him tightly. "No more," she begged. "Please Percy, no more. I know that it's hard, but please try. Just stop for at least today." She hugged him again and buried her face in his neck. "I'm just glad you're still with me. Oh Percy . . ." Sally sobbed and Percy felt guilt eat at his heart.

* * *

"Annabeth? Can I talk to-"

"Ew, what's wrong with your face?" Annabeth said, wrinkling her nose. Percy touched the stitches on his cheek and lowered his head to hide them. He had his hood up, but it didn't cover them. Percy stared at his shoes and said, "I fell and cut my cheek on some glass. I'm fine. Can I ask talk to you? Uh, like we used to?"

"Annabeth," a voice called back to her. "Come on, don't waste time. He's not worth it. He has his empty table to assign to." Percy didn't look up as he felt Annabeth brush past him. He heard her say, "Yeah, he's useless. I don't even know why he thought he could talk to me."

_Just like the old times, Annabeth. I just wanted to talk like the old times, _Percy thought. _I was going to try and trust you with a secret. _

Percy headed to his table and stopped short when he saw someone already sitting there. He was wearing a zip up sweater and sweats with high tops on his feet; superman symbols on them. The boy had his hood up and was eating a grilled cheese sandwich.

"Um, you're in my, erm, spot. At my t-table. Not my spot," Percy stuttered looking anywhere but the new boy. The newbie looked up and said, "Oh, I can go somewhere else if you want. Although . . . none of the other tables are inviting and, well, you don't seem to have a lot of people to talk to."

Percy glowered. "My friends are busy helping out somewhere else. They couldn't come today." The boy started standing. "But you can stay!" Percy added quickly. "It's fine. I'd like the company."

Blondie smiled and said, "My name's Jason. You?"

"P-Percy."

"Well, Percy," Jason said, looking around. He stopped at Percy's face and froze. "Whoa, that's a nasty cut. What happened?" Percy's hand shot up and covered the stitches, "Nothing. I fell. I'm clumsy like that." Jason didn't seem to believe the story, but he accepted it anyways and bit into his sandwich again, chewing while he studied the cafeteria.

Percy fiddled with his own lunch, but didn't eat any of it. He never did anyways. He shivered as he felt a presence behind him and he hunched over.

"Looks like you got a friend there, Pervy. What's his name? I'm-too-stupid-to-know-this-kid's-a-loser?" the person behind him said. Tylan. Tylan shoved Percy and another grabbed his lunch, dumping it on his head. The juice and all. Salad dressing clung to his hair and his beans fell in clumps off the top of his head. Tylan and his goons laughed.

Jason shot up in surprise. He watched Percy struggle to contain his emotions: hatred, anger, embarrassment, sadness and the longing to cut. The five bullies walked off, laughing. Jason quickly grabbed the tipped over cup and righted it then said, "Oh, um, here, I'll get you some towels. You might want to take your sweater off. It'll be uncomfortable."

Percy felt panic grip his chest. He couldn't take off his sweater. There was no way. But he accepted the paper towels from Jason and began mopping off his head. Tears welled in his eyes and before he even finished cleaning off, he stood up and mumbled, "I need to go."

He quickly headed to Paul's classroom in hopes he was there and could convince his mom to take Percy home. He knocked on the door and waited. Paul opened up and gasped, "Percy! What happened to you?"

"Tylan happened," said Percy. He burst into tears and Paul gathered him into his classroom. Mr. Blofis tried his best to clean Percy off, but the food had already dried in his hair and onto his sweater. Percy's step father touched his stitches lightly then asked, "Do you want me to find you another sweater from the lost and found?"

"Yes please," Percy whispered. He took off the one he was wearing and handed it to Paul, who took it with him.

Percy waited for a few minutes and flinched when he heard the knock at the door.

"Percy? Are you okay?" Jason's voice asked. Percy's eyes widened and he looked for something to cover his arms.


	3. Chapter 3

**I'M NOT DEAD. *runs in screaming and waving arms in the air* I know I kinda went MIA there for a while, but I was not dead. *scoff* Like anyone cared. Anyways, here is a chapter!**

* * *

**Chapter 3: These Scars I Hide**

* * *

Percy sat down quickly in Paul's chair and hid his arm under the desk. Jason poked his head into the classroom and asked, "Are you okay? You kind of ran out of the cafeteria really quickly."

Percy forced a week smile. "I'm fine. Mr. Blofis is my step-dad so he's going to get me a new sweater. I, uh, have a really bad rash on my arms and I don't want anyone to see it." His stomach liquified and bile rose in his throat. The scars on his forearms itched as if he actually did have a rash.

"Okay, just . . . Those guys are jerks. You seem cool. Do you think you could show me around after you get another sweater? I pretty much just got here, like, an hour ago and I have no clue where I'm going," Jason said. He shifted his feet and Percy stared at the Superman symbols. They would seem little kiddish, but on Jason they worked.

Percy didn't answer, his mind still trying to understand why anyone would ever want to talk to him let alone want him to give them a tour. Finally he managed to say, "Y-yeah, sure. I-what class do you have?"

"Social studies," Jason said after a quick glance at his schedule.

Percy could feel himself heating up as anxiety got its hold. This had to be a prank. No one had ever been so nice to Percy without turning on him later. But he was starting to like Jason already and he wanted a friend. Without warning tears popped into Percy's eyes and he looked down.

Paul came back into the room and looked at Jason then Percy. When he saw Percy struggling not to cry he turned back to Jason and asked, "Is everything okay?"

"I thought everything was, sir . . . I don't know what . . . I'm sorry, I should leave," Jason said. He backed out of the room and Percy crumbled. Paul handed him the sweater, waiting till he put it on before bending down and giving Percy a tight hug.

He pulled back. "Did Jason say anything mean to you?"

Percy smothered a sob. "No," he said in a shattered voice. "No, he wants me to give him a tour of the school and-and I've never even had a-anyone who wants to talk to me. Whenever people are nice to me they turn their backs and-and-" Tears fell heavily down his face. Paul handed him the Kleenex box and said, "I have a class coming soon, Percy. And you have a class to get to. There's only two more classes of the day, Percy. Hang in there."

Percy wiped his face and stood up. Then he left the safety of Paul's room and entered the noisy hallways. Keeping his head down to avoid anyone noticing his tear stained cheeks, Percy headed to his first class.

He didn't even bother finding Jason.

* * *

At the Grace house, Thalia waited by the window, watching for a big yellow school bus. It was her brothers first day at school and she wanted to make sure he was doing okay. Jason never really had easy experiences with school. That was the whole reason why they moved in the first place.

"Thalia?" dad's voice called from down the hall. He emerged and slung his jacket around his shoulders. Then he gave Thalia a pointed look. "I know you know what to do if he comes home in tears, but it's a new school, so just be ready for something different to happen."

"Yeah, I know, dad," Thalia said. She saw the school bus round a corner just a block away through the houses. Dad grabbed his car keys and left the house. Moving also required a new job for Thalia and dad, but with dad being a cop, he has a lot more training to do.

The bus rattled to a stop a couple houses down and kids trickled off. Thalia kept a close eye for Jason and he was the last to come off. His hood was up and his head was down, which was the first signal that the day had been horrible. Thalia closed her eyes and felt sympathy eat a little more of her. It was only Jason's first day of school and he was already coming home like this.

The door opened and Jason's voice rang clear. "Thalia? I met a frien . . . a guy today."

"Well that's good," Thalia said, moving forward. She didn't show the confusion she felt. Why had Jason sounded so sad and heartbroken? "What's his name?"

"Percy something, I never caught a last name. But at lunch these jerks came along and dumped his lunch all over him. Then he ran off. I asked him if he would give me a tour and he just looked down and didn't answer. He avoided me the rest of the day," Jason said. He felt unwanted tears build in his eyes. He knew that this Percy kid probably didn't have an easy time at school, but it still hurt Jason when he avoided him. Jason had been ignored and kicked around by too many people already. He hoped Percy would be his friend, but now, maybe not.

Jason started crying. "Why does everyone hate me? I don't know what I did. What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing, nothing is wrong with you," Thalia said. She quickly moved to Jason and held his face. "Percy is probably just shy. Lots of people are. It isn't anything you did. You're perfect." Jason shook his head and whispered, "I'm not perfect. Perfect people don't have scars. Perfect people don't cry everyday. Perfect people aren't _me_."

Thalia hugged him then. She had heard plenty of harsh words about Jason coming from his own mouth. She knew when to know that he wanted to self harm. She had been dealing with this Jason for almost a year and a half. She hated when he talked about himself like he was nothing. And for some reason Thalia couldn't understand, the world just seemed to _hate_ Jason Grace. She didn't know why.

"Everything's going to be okay," Thalia said. Jason pulled away forcefully and sat down heavily on the couch, wiping away tears. He stripped off his sweater and the cool air enveloped his scarred forearms. Then he said, "No it's not. It's never going to be okay."

Thalia gave a pained look. "It might be. You never know." Her voice cracked and Jason shook his head as he stood up and went around the corner and down the hall to his room. Thalia looked out the window again at the quiet street, all the kids gone off to their own houses.

* * *

Percy listened to Paul explain to Sally what had happened to Percy at lunch. Sally was not happy about it kept telling her husband that she had to talk to Percy but Paul continued to say, "He wants to be left alone, Sally. Give him a couple minutes."

Percy moved away from his bedroom door and slid down against his wall. He heard Silena start to cry and his parents were instantly concerned about her, forgetting all about their eldest son. He listened to them try to calm her down for a couple minutes, then he turned his head and looked at his bed. There was clothing and homework all over it, but the one thing that stuck out was the sharp blade of a pocket knife.

He stood up and grabbed it, twisting it in his fingers. He looked down at his already scarred arms and figured it wouldn't matter to make a few more.

_Worthless, worthless, worthless._

Percy brought the knife across his arm and felt relief flood his body as his blood rushed from the wound. He tore the flesh again and again and again. He made sure not to cut too deep so that he could easily clean it up so his mom wouldn't know. Tears built up in his eyes but he didn't let them fall.

After slashing his left right six times he switched hands and shredded his right arm.

Once he had created fifteen knew cuts he dropped the pocket knife and slipped down the hall unnoticed and entered the bathroom. Then Percy began cleaning his cuts and putting pressure on them until the bleeding had stopped. Then he pulled on his sweater again and went out to the small living room where his mom was playing with Silena on the floor.

Sally looked up and immediately got to her feet. "Oh, baby," she said, grabbing Percy and hugging him to her chest. "Jason sounds like a good kid. Why didn't you give him a tour?"

"I was scared," Percy admitted. "I thought he was going to hurt me. No ones ever nice to me so I figured that it must just be a set up. But I kept seeing him in the halls and he looked like he actually had no clue where he was going and he was all alone and I felt horrible." His stomach twisted in guilt and his hands started to shake. "Tylan kept pushing him around all day and I wanted to do something but I was so glad that I wasn't getting bullied that I just kept walking." Percy started to cry.

"Honey, hey, shh, it's the natural thing." Sally placed her hands on the sides of his face. "Tomorrow, talk to him though. Paul thinks you two can be really great friends. Just give him a chance, okay?" She pressed a kiss to his forehead and asked, "Do you want me to call Mrs. Walsh?"

Percy sniffed and questioned, "W-why?"

"You've been really emotional lately. I'm worried. Mrs. Walsh can help," Sally said. "I just want to make you happy. So do you want me to call her or no?"

"N-no," answered Percy. "I'll be okay. I'll talk to Jason tomorrow. But if he's like the others I'm not talking to him again." He stepped away from his mom and looked at Silena. Sitting down on the floor beside her he said, "You don't want to end up like me, Silena. Then again, you probably won't. Everyone will love you. I'm the freak of the family. You'll be okay."

Silena stared at him with large blue eyes. Then she laughed and waved her toy at Percy, holding it out for him. Percy took it and quietly said, "I hope you stay innocent forever and never learn about what happens to people in depression."

Percy looked down at his baby sister. He hoped he would never see her with scars like his.


End file.
